Anger is one of the most intense human emotions we will ever experience. It's intensity varies and results in behavioral symptoms varying from fits of rage to sulking and pouting. Anger, like beauty is usually in the "eye of the beholder." What infuriates some may go unnoticed by others.
So what exactly is the purpose of anger? Does it serve a reason within the realm of human emotion? The answer is absolutely! The purpose of anger is to alert us that something is 'wrong' and that there is an issue which needs to be addressed. The longer we abstain from addressing the issue, the more the anger has a potential to build and fester within us.
It is o.k. to be angry, even furious. It is the behavioral actions which follow the anger that may or may not be o.k. Some actions carry severe consequences which can extend farther into the future the we ever intended. And seriously, do angry outbursts with severe consequences address the issue which made us angry in the first place? Most of the time these types of reactions only serve to perpetuate the intensity of the anger, do not address the problem at hand and often incur some type of consequence. Thus, the dance of anger begins. It goes something like this: Event occurs, we get angry, we react,consequences of our reactions.
There are numerous ways to react to events which make us angry.
Some of them include: ignoring, biting our tounges, reacting with silence, physical aggression, smart remarks, screaming, yelling, cursing, leaving the situation, and the list goes on and on. This is not to say that each of these actions are appropriate and address the issue to solve whatever the 'problem' may be. Part of the reason we behave this way is because we often blame people for our anger and ignore the patterns which lead us to becoming angry in the first place.
Patterns can include feelings of neglect, abandonement, abuse, being taken advantage of and a slue of other issues which can arouse anger towards someone else.
Consider the following example:
Susan has been working for her current employer, an attorney, for nearly three years. She'd like to find another job, but so far, she is "stuck" with where she is now. Susan claims her boss is demanding and blames her for things that are not even her fault. Once she prepared several documents to be filed with the courts, however, her boss never got around to signing them so they could not be filed. He then proceeded to yell and blamed Susan for not "keeping up" with the business of the law office. Susan then apologizes and assures the attorney it will not happen again.
Do you see what is happening in this example? Susan's anger towards her boss no doubt comes from the manner in which she reacts to the pattern that has been established. Susan reacts by 'biting her tongue.' Her anger most likely stems from being disrespected, taken advantage of, and assuming responsibility for her bosses mistakes. Susan's reaction to these feelings is to say nothing about it and 'tell the boss what he wants to hear.'
Therefore, instead of blaming the pattern of poor communication between Susan and her boss, Susan's anger is directed towards the individual (in this case her boss). As time progresses, this anger may build and Susan may eventually do something which creates problematic consequences.
The source of anger should always be considered. While it seems that individuals are to blame for becoming angry, explore the situation further to determine what pattern exists to the anger and then how to change the pattern not the person.
